Friday, August 27, 2010

Hidden

There was once a time when anybody could have asked me, what do you want to pursue in life, what kind of work do you want to do, to which I would have said:  I want to write, especially write for Rolling Stone and go on the road with bands and cover rock and country and folk concerts and some such.

And now, about three years after my senior year of college, I find myself in a big quandry. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I like writing. I enjoy it. It gives me a thrill to put words to paper and put pieces of a puzzle together to create something beautiful, and then get paid for it. But there are such things as reality too. And the reality of it is, that my profession, journalism, is changing, and in many ways disappearing so rapidly that the jobs are just not there.

Don't get me wrong; journalism will always exist because people will always want information and stories about their government, religion, schools, institutions, celebrities, communities, friends, entertainment, nature and everything in between. But well respected news from the trusted news sources is being produced by fewer and fewer people and more journalists are becoming freelance, scratching together an existence in spite of low advertising revenue and distribution.

People have told me to do what I love and the money will follow, but I find this hard to believe. It's not like going to LA to be an actor; a hard feat, because of the competition, but not because acting is going away or changing. On the other hand, traditional journalism, the kind of journalism that paid a decent wage, is going away, and in this case, I feel like being a journalist is probably the stupidest thing I could do right now.

My heart also makes me wonder if I could be a real reporter. The kind of reporter who's writing day in and day out, even if I was lucky enough to get a staff gig, about murders, and drug cartels and poverty and stupidity and incompetence in our government institutions. Is writing worth the mundance depression that would go with such a position, the constant reminder of all that is wrong with the world?

I don't know. And for this and so many other reasons, I remain on the fence, trying to figure out what will make me happy, what will make me want to go to work, and how I can make the comfortable living I desire doing that thing. Mix all of this into an economy where I'm not only fighting with other young college grads as well educated as I am, but with professionals who have years of experience on their resume.

Without a direction, I feel stuck in a mire, and I don't know what to do. I used to know myself so well. I used to be extremely self aware. And now I find that I'm hidden even unto myself.

I don't know what to do and I'm waiting for the day where I can leave the crossroads I'm at, and head down the trail I want to. Until then, I guess I'll just keep writing and putting one foot in front of another.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

JetBlue Flight Attendant is My Hero

This last week we all heard the story about the JetBlue flight attendant who snapped when one of his passengers refused to follow his instructions; the flight attendant (or FT as I will call him) had had enough, and in a burst of quitting glory, ended his sobriety when he went to the beverage cart, pulled two beers, went on the plane's PA system to harangue the passengers, and opened the emergency-use-only inflatable slide to exit the plane.

Upon hearing this story, I laughed out loud. For anyone who's worked in a customer service field, especially if you're smarter than the average cretin, we've all wanted to do this. We've all wanted to have our say, embarrass the stupid costumer and throw it in, telling our colleagues, our customers and our bosses just how much we hate the job, and how much better we are than what we've been doing.

To me, the FT was a hero, not a zero, and in the last month, when I'm working at a job where I do twice the amount of work I was doing two weeks ago, with no raise, barely living on the money I make, hating my situation, wanting a job and being offered two job interviews only for the jobs to be filled by internal hires, I'm with this guy.

The whole world can take it and shove it, because he and I are so much better than the work we are performing.