What Do I Want?

 So I'm sitting here in my warm, comfy bed at 4:20 am and I lie awake thinking about what I want. 

I just had my 22nd birthday and my parents said that as a present I can pick something special/ nice out. The only problem? I don't want anything. 

I mean, sure there are those things I see and think, hmmm....I would like to buy that cream, sensible, thinly insulated jacket because it's a good warm layer and I need something like that in these winters when I don't feel like wearing my baggy black wool coat. 

But I don't find myself really craving or wanting anything material, and as those who know me also know that I love material possessions and fashion, this is certainly not usual to my persona. 

It kind of worries me, this lack of wanting a coat or shoes or a purse. There is one thing I want, but I am resigned to save money towards a new Mazda because it's just too expensive for me right now. 

And then it dawns on me like it has over the last few days; maybe I've moved past wanting clothing. After dropping too much money in stores over the summer, I have a nice wardrobe that I am fairly happy in. I like almost everything I have and with the exception of buying a few more pairs of pants (as I no longer like some of my other pairs) and buying a few more long sleeve layers (as the cold weather and rain approaches) I like the stuff I've got for now. 

Maybe I've temporarily moved past wanting materials. I think I've moved to wanting love (which is kind of a foolish accusation because I've wanted love, the real deal since I was a young teenager). To wanting someone to love me in the same ferocious veracity I can love him. Maybe I want kittens in my life, animals I can curl up with and watch as they have their own personalities and wants. Maybe it's companionship and love and tenderness that I want (and I do), and maybe now is the time to want it (and to get it. (?))