Scales

There is a theory that by thinking of something with a lot of focus, you attract that thing to you. This concept has been espoused by many people, including Oprah, and has been written about in many a book, including the bestseller The Secret. 

As a Libra I'm constantly trying to balance things, to weigh them, and to give each side its fair time with arguing its theses. The romantic, hopeful, optimist in me wants to say that I believe in this theory. Maybe it really is as simple as mind over matter. After all, Einstein's genius is attributed to the fact that he used 7% of his brain instead of the 3% we mere mortals use; this seems to suggest to me that the human mind is full of potential that is quite literally above and beyond. And if this is true, then if we think about something enough, isn't it feasible that it will happen? There are enough testimonials from wealthy, accomplished, experts who say they've used the Law of Attraction, and this indicates that the Law may really work. 

And yet, the doubter in me wants to believe that it can't be as simple as that. I dream of being a successful freelance writer. I have been known to have extraordinary powers of imagination and focus and I have literally focused on the picture of myself in an office, about town, with a Blackberry ringing off the hook from editors that want me to write for them. I come home to an apartment that I like, feeling tired, and there is my cat, happy to see me. Best of all I invite a boyfriend, just the kind-hearted, dark and handsome, humorous gentleman I imagine who makes me laugh and wraps his arms around my waist as I stir the dinner I've got going in a pan. 

I can imagine it. And yet, it isn't here. Instead, I've gone many years without the kind of love I want and imagine, and I find that at almost every turn, I run into a wall when it comes to making money through writing. Journalism is changing; it's moving from objective, fact-based, edited news, to bloggy shit written by anyone who has google. If an internship is how one is supposed to move up into a field and make money, then I'm screwed--because I'm too old for an internship. I have enough experience to know what's what, and to deserve pay and yet I haven't been hired yet. I have too little experience for the LA Times or another news service, but I don't qualify for a media internship because I'm no longer in school. I made the mistake of succeeding and graduating, instead of bumming around in college longer than was necessary. 

I have faith merely because life is easier to live when you look on the bright side of things. But that doesn't mean I don't get consumed by fear and disappointment and rage at life every once in a while.