I'd Like to Give My Thanks

This post is dedicated to two characters, and really to two writers. I'd like to send my deepest gratitude to Mma Ramotswe and Detective Harry Bosch, authors Alexander McCall Smith and Michael Connelly. 

Mma Ramotswe is an amazing individual which might sound funny given that she is a character of fiction. She is always above fair in her judgement of things to be done; she was once on a case where patients at a particular ward of a hospital in Botswana were dying at precisely 2pm on Friday afternoons. When she learns that the cleaning staff at 2pm clean that particular room in that ward and unplug ventilating machines in order to plug in a vacuum, her client insists the maid should be fired for causing the deaths of three people. 

Ever in her wisdom, Mma Ramotswe judges that no good will come from the firing of a maid, who's husband has died and who has three children to support, for doing something she didn't even know was wrong. Wasn't it the duty of the hospital to train the cleaning staff on health code procedure, Mma Ramotswe asks?

After staying with a family who do nothing but yell at each other and cast snide remarks at one another, Mma Ramotswe was almost poisoned to death. She insists that her fee has gone up to the tone of 100,000 pula, but it's not until the end of the episode (or book) that we find out she doesn't ask for the money herself, but for the orphan farm outside of Gabarone. 

When a woman comes to her certain that her husband has bought a Mercedes he knows was stolen from South Africa, the woman asks Mma Ramotswe for help. She doesn't want to turn her husband in, merely, she wants the car returned to its rightful owner so that God will know the right thing was done. Mma Ramotswe figures she will "steal" the car from her client's house, drive it across the border and give it to a police friend of hers who will return it to its rightful owner. Who, may I ask, commits such a creative crime? Only the wonderful No. 1 Lady Detective. 

Harry Bosch is a damaged character, and it's for this reason that I love him. His heart is in the right place, although he makes some judgement calls that place him in charge of a person's life, instead of a court of law. He speaks for the dead because their lives were taken, and with that, their voices. He takes the matters into his heart; he doesn't just feel or handle his cases on an intellectual level, he feels them, and in this, he lives an extremely rough life. 

His depth of character and emotion are nothing that I can replicate with my words, which do nothing but vaguely describe a diamond without illuminating all of its facets. At the end of the day, Harry Bosch is a man seeking justice, a bird with a broken wing but a fearsome bite, a smoker, a lover, and most of all, one who looks to right the worst of wrongs. He kick an ass and send a zinger as instinctively as he puts long-forgotten pieces of a case together, and he does none of this because of personal glory--only because it's his mission in life. 

 

to be continued......

Gentleman

I'm such a gentleman, I thought to myself, as I leaned into him, pulling up the hem of his shirt and covertly slipping a 10 into his front jeans pocket. I couldn't really afford to give up the 10 dollar bill, but I figured I should give him a little for paying for the taxi and the drinks.

Somewhere between the second and third shot of Patron I figured that I could probably order myself a Red Lion or a grapefruit martini on his open tab, and I probably deserved too as well. I was the third wheel with two other people, one an acquaintance, the second, even less so--and the "third wheel rights" probably would have afforded me some personal indulgence on his dime. After all, I'd kind of been ditched by my friend and left behind in the third wheel configuration--one that was supposed to be more platonic, but the booze was working on the two of them, so they ended up lip locked against the wall. Luckily, I didn't have to be the killjoy, because she was the first to suggest we go back to her place. After dancing with the both of them in a bar atmosphere not quite ready for dancing --taking my arms away from his neck, we went outside where his sister drove us all and we reconvened with our mutual friend.

It's a good thing I didn't have that fourth shot of Patron--or I'd have been as wasted as them. I got to enjoy my tipsy buzz, with just enough drunkenness to be silly. Luckily for me, the only thing I regretted was taking my top off back at the house, wandering around in a bra in front of a few people I didn't know too well. They were lucky enough to see hints of a nice rack--a thing not every one of my paramours have seen. If I'd had that fourth shot of Patron the bra might have been lost when he said "let's all take off our tops."

But a lady never loses all of her clothes on a first date, gets too drunk or too loud. After all, I'm a gentleman.

Movement

I'm often in the car these days, or on my bike. Anything to keep me moving. I like being on that tennis court and wish I could come up with a system to get me on the court more often. I love anticipating that ball, matching its trajectory and placing my racquet at just the right place to hear the sweet spot sing with that onomatopoeic "phut." I love the feel of stretching out my arm and catching the ball and smashing it to the other side at that spot, down in "no man's land" that opponents can't get to. 

It's the movement I like. I feel that if I can keep my feet moving and my body tilting forward in air long enough, other parts of my life will follow suit and I'll move out of my lull. It's not good to be a ship stuck in still water, no wind in the sails. 

Looking back through papers I wrote while I was at Cal State LA, I realize how far my writing's come. It's one of the things I like so much about the creative process. I once had a young journalism professor of mine tell me in college that my class's work inspired her to be a better writer and that her writing was constantly evolving. I wonder if Edward Robert Hughes or Albert Bierstadt or William Hogarth felt that way about their painting. 

I read through these papers and I see little things I would change--an altered word or phrase there, a grammatical mistake here. And I realize, as I did then, after coming home from Paris, the trip I wanted so badly, the one I dreamed of for years, the one that didn't happen--that I wanted to be a writer. I'd known that for a few months. Now, in a time in my life where I am feeling creatively blocked, having no new ideas or pitches, not having my voice heard, I look back on these papers and see all that I've done since. I was merely a student then. I've been published in four periodicals since. I was a Senior writer for one of them, a paid freelancer for three, and made the front page feature of a major city paper. 

Onward!--I say to myself. It'll happen again. 

Until then I must follow suit and keep moving, as Tom Petty says "...I dig you baby but I've got to keep movin'/ on...gotta keep movin' on"

Scales

There is a theory that by thinking of something with a lot of focus, you attract that thing to you. This concept has been espoused by many people, including Oprah, and has been written about in many a book, including the bestseller The Secret. 

As a Libra I'm constantly trying to balance things, to weigh them, and to give each side its fair time with arguing its theses. The romantic, hopeful, optimist in me wants to say that I believe in this theory. Maybe it really is as simple as mind over matter. After all, Einstein's genius is attributed to the fact that he used 7% of his brain instead of the 3% we mere mortals use; this seems to suggest to me that the human mind is full of potential that is quite literally above and beyond. And if this is true, then if we think about something enough, isn't it feasible that it will happen? There are enough testimonials from wealthy, accomplished, experts who say they've used the Law of Attraction, and this indicates that the Law may really work. 

And yet, the doubter in me wants to believe that it can't be as simple as that. I dream of being a successful freelance writer. I have been known to have extraordinary powers of imagination and focus and I have literally focused on the picture of myself in an office, about town, with a Blackberry ringing off the hook from editors that want me to write for them. I come home to an apartment that I like, feeling tired, and there is my cat, happy to see me. Best of all I invite a boyfriend, just the kind-hearted, dark and handsome, humorous gentleman I imagine who makes me laugh and wraps his arms around my waist as I stir the dinner I've got going in a pan. 

I can imagine it. And yet, it isn't here. Instead, I've gone many years without the kind of love I want and imagine, and I find that at almost every turn, I run into a wall when it comes to making money through writing. Journalism is changing; it's moving from objective, fact-based, edited news, to bloggy shit written by anyone who has google. If an internship is how one is supposed to move up into a field and make money, then I'm screwed--because I'm too old for an internship. I have enough experience to know what's what, and to deserve pay and yet I haven't been hired yet. I have too little experience for the LA Times or another news service, but I don't qualify for a media internship because I'm no longer in school. I made the mistake of succeeding and graduating, instead of bumming around in college longer than was necessary. 

I have faith merely because life is easier to live when you look on the bright side of things. But that doesn't mean I don't get consumed by fear and disappointment and rage at life every once in a while. 

Hair

Her eyes are dark brown and slightly slanted, with only the most kind of crows' feet crinkling at the edges and above her high, circularly sculpted cheekbones.

I have known her eyes for more years than I can remember. Her hands have trimmed and cut and shaped my hair for more than a decade. As I sat back in the booth and looked across at her, I realized that this woman has seen me grow up--transforming from a knee-high thing with stringy golden brown hair, to a curvy woman with thick auburn hair . She says that I am like one of her babies, like one of the two daughters she's raised. I feel blessed to have this woman in my life, however peripherally she might be.

She, more than I, knows what the real American dream is: I was born with a bronze spoon in my mouth. She emigrated from China and came with no money, eventually had two children, bought a house in South Pasadena, learned an entirely different language, owned a business, and sent her girls to college. She came from not much and ended up with a home, love and a family.

There are few people I have met that give with so much whole-hearted kindness and humbleness. She is one of them. I wonder what other ways she'll see me grow up in. How many more years her hands and scissors will trim away bad men, failed relationships, hopes, dreams from my life. I'm like Sampson, in that I hold a lot in my hair; for him it was strength, for me it is experience. Cut the hair, change the life. Much shorter bangs are punctuating this part of my life. I wonder how many different hairstyles she'll see me wear.

A Note To Myself

my curious mind wants to know
i spin words but feel like I want to hit the ground running
so stop writing and fucking do something already!

First Responderst: City Honors Civilian, Officers for Heroic Rescue in St. Johns Car Crash: Portland Sentinel Article 12

First responders: City honors civilian, officers for heroic rescue in St. Johns car crash

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Tue, 09/30/2008 - 12:54pm.

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

It’s not every day that a civilian is honored for being a hero, but that’s just what happened the afternoon of Sept. 5 at North Precinct. Civilian Seth Russell and Officers Ryan Derry and Christina Hansen-Tuma of North Precinct were commended for their role in responding to a vehicle accident and fire.

At 12:35 a.m. on Aug. 30, Russell and his girlfriend, St. Johns resident Wendy Martin, were driving across the St. Johns Bridge and noticed that a car had crashed on the hillside just west of the bridge. While another civilian was attempting to pry open the passenger side door, Russell ran over and saw that a passenger was trapped in the vehicle, which was quickly filling with smoke.

“There was someone [another bystander] screaming, ‘They’re still in there!’ ” said Russell, a 45-year-old Windermere realtor.

St. Helens resident Larry Dankin, 42, was already on the scene when Russell arrived. Dankin, who served in the U.S. Navy in both Iraq wars, had approached the smoking vehicle.

“I had my hesitation that the car might explode,” said Dankin. “Then all of a sudden this guy in Bermuda shorts [Russell] came running past me and jumps up on top of the car and starts prying the door open.”

Dankin and Russell managed to get the door of the SUV open. The car was filled with smoke. As they tried to remove the front passenger, the seats of the vehicle caught fire.

“There was smoke pouring out of there,” said Russell. “We couldn’t see anything.”

When the officers reached the scene, Hansen-Tuma went to the driver’s side of the car and found that the back seat passenger had flown head-first through the windshield and died. The driver was crushed by the collapsed frame of the vehicle. Efforts shifted to extracting the front-seat passenger from
the car.

Officer Derry quickly cut the seat belt from the passenger. As the passenger was pulled from the car, the vehicle burst into flames.

Two men, Carlos Zuniga-Isais, 31, the driver, and Jorge Erazo-Banegas, 21, the rear passenger, died. The third man, Abilsai Morales-Roblero, 20, was listed in critical condition on Sept. 5 at Legacy Emanuel Hospital. At the time of this report he had been upgraded to serious condition.

Officers Hansen-Tuma and Derry and “Citizen Russell” were awarded a medal and a certificate from the Portland Police Bureau in front of North Precinct officers, their family members and Police Chief Rosie Sizer.

“This was certainly very meaningful for the person you saved,” Sizer said to the officers.

“And to the citizens, thank you for stopping [and] thank you for acting.”

Kenton Fire House Solar Panels: Portland Sentinel Article 11

Hippies to put solar panels on Kenton Fire House

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Wed, 10/22/2008 - 7:08pm.

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Those damned hippies are at it again! This time they're mounting solar panels ontop of the Kenton Fire House, home to the North Portland Neighborhoood Services office and other long haired racial groups. The building, long the scourge of decent god fearing folk, recently won an award for "Preservation in Action" from the Bosco-Milligan Foundation, a militant left wing group no doubt. When will President Palin come and wipe clean this liberal blight from our midst? When??!!! More on that later...until then. Carolyn Neuhausen has this report.

~Cornelius Swart

Kenton Firehouse plans to add solar panels this fall

By Carolyn Neuhausen

The Kenton Firehouse will be outfitted with solar panels this month, which will reduce the amount of energy used in the building by an estimated 50 percent.

“We’re assuming that the reduction [in energy usage] will be by 60 percent; 50 percent was a conservative estimate,” said Tom Griffin-Valade, director of North Portland Neighborhood Services.

The Firehouse, located at 8105 N Brandon St., was allotted $73,506 dollars from a community livability pot for the solar panel project, which will provide energy for lights, computers, air conditioning, and other office machines inside the Firehouse.

Funds for the solar panel renovation came from the Portland Development Commission’s Interstate Urban Renewal Area (IURA) division. Though the funds came from the PDC, it is the community volunteers who sit on a variety of committees that decided to fund the solar panel project for the Kenton Firehouse.

“It’s really local citizens who volunteer to serve on these committees and so we’re even more gratified that it’s local people seeing that this building is a priority,” said Griffin-Valade.

One of the local citizens who helped with the solar panel project is Dexter Gauntlett who works as a clean energy researcher with Green Empowerment.

“The St. Johns Neighborhood Association provided a letter of support to the application — and we’ve identified the clean energy job sector as something we would like to connect North Portland residents to since we have a large population of people who have experience in manufacturing and interest in clean energy,” said Gauntlett.

Gauntlett hopes that placement of the panels on such a public facility will build interest in the efficiency and uses of solar power and will create lasting interest in solar energy as an industry.

The solar panels will reduce the carbon footprint of the Firehouse and save North Portland Neighborhood Services money in the long run. These savings will be passed on to community members through lower rental fees of the building’s facilities, said Griffin-Valade.

If energy prices stay the same and the Firehouse is able to get pass-through tax credits for saving energy, the panels are expected to pay for themselves in 20 years.

Because the Firehouse was built in 1913 and is an historical landmark, the project underwent a design review to evaluate whether the solar panels would interfere with the building’s historical integrity.

If all goes well with the design review, the Firehouse will get permits to start the project in early October. In September, the building will be re-roofed so that once the panels are installed, there will be no need to pull them off again and retile the roof for at least another two decades.

~30~

Of Bikes and Bridges: Portland Sentinel Article 10

Of bikes and bridges

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Tue, 09/30/2008 - 11:53am.

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• North Albina

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

Two upcoming transportation projects for the Piedmont neighborhood focus on improvements for the proposed bike lanes on Rosa Parks Way near I-5, and the Bryant Street Bridge.

Piedmont currently has funding for bike lanes on Rosa Parks Way, and designs have been created. But the Portland Department of Transportation is working out the details, said Brian Borrello, the land-use chair of the Piedmont Neighborhood Association.

PDOT and the Oregon Department of Transportation are currently coordinating efforts to explore design alternatives that take into account safety and mobility for all modes of transportation. The agency will meet in early October to finalize plans.

The Piedmont neighborhood has also been planning for improvements to the Bryant Street Bridge crossing. A few designs have been chosen as concept ideas and are posted on the Piedmont website: piedmontneighborhood.com.

$90,000 in grant funds has been awarded to the neighborhood to improve the safety of the pedestrian bridge crossing. Some of the safety recommendations include improving lighting and possibly opening up the walls.

Besides safety, Borrello said, “We want to create a project that is aesthetically pleasing and uplifting in the neighborhood.”

What makes this project unique is that local resources are being used. Instead of their usual open-bid process, ODOT will hire local contractors, craftsmen, and designers. Further developments on the Bryant Street Bridge project are expected in the coming months.

For more information go to www.portlandsentinel/northalbina

Create to the Beat of Your Own Drum: Portland Sentinel Article 9

Create to the Beat of Your Own Drum: Performance Workshop with Many Hats Collaboration

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Thu, 07/24/2008 - 11:40am.

SENTINEL NEWS SERVICE

Start: 07/26/2008 - 1:30pm

End: 07/27/2008 - 6:00pm

--Carolyn Neuhausen

Many Hats Collaboration will be leading a two-day performance workshop intensive July 26 from 1:30p.m.-6:30p.m. and July 27 1p.m.-6p.m. The workshop will be held at Performance Works NorthWest, located at 4625 SE 67th Avenue.

Because the theater company believes in mixing different arts disciplines, the workshop will educate participants in how to use different elements like lighting, staging, story telling, acting, movement and song to create a theater piece.

"The idea behind it [the workshop] is for actors or directors or playwrights interested in original performance to go through a process where they can make something from scratch," said Jessica Wallenfels, director, choreographer and co-founder of Many Hats Collaboration.

Many Hats is a local theater group that mixes different artistic elements into its productions. The group’s play “Mutt,” which debuted fall of 2006 at the Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, brought dance, acting and puppetry together in a performance about racial identity. For that production, the company spoke with various groups in North and Northeast Portland communities to discuss issues on race and racial identity.

In line with Many Hats’ ethic, Wallenfels will guide participants in a variety of creative activities in timed writing exercises, movement, dance and song. She will also discuss the pillars of storytelling such as plot, rising action, conflict and resolution.

After the exercises, workshop participants will generate story ideas for their theater pieces. Participants will discuss their ideas and get feedback from the group. Saturday's workshop will end with rehearsing each participant's material.

Sunday's workshop will start with a highly structured short production exercise where the participants can show what they've created so far. After comments and feedback the performers will work more extensively on their pieces. By the end of the day they will be able to perform their acts and they are welcome to invite family and friends to view their acts.

Lava Alapai, co-founder of Many Hats Collaboration will take still photographs and video record each act. Performers will receive a still photo and a DVD of their performance, which is included in the workshop price on a sliding scale of $90-$120. The idea is for the performers to have documentation of a 2-5 minute performance; the photo and DVD will come in handy if they decide to market or expand their performance in the future.

Trammell Crow Shows Design Plans to Bridgeton Residents: Portland Sentinel Article 8

Trammell Crow shows design plans to Bridgeton residents

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 2:36pm.

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• Hayden Island/Bridgeton

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

Trammell Crow displayed their apartment development plans to Bridgeton residents in a meeting held Wednesday night. This informational meeting, held at the Residence Inn at Anchor Way, gave residents a more concrete idea of what the proposed apartment complexes will look like, and how it will impact the area.

Representatives for the development company compared newer design plans with older design plans and discussed differences between each. The newer plans showed two buildings, each with their own wing. The wings are connected to each other through a recessed and low slung corridor.

The new designs showed that the end of each building was rounded instead of squared and the ends of the buildings will be four stories or approximately 44 feet. The main portion of the buildings will be at a height of five stories and the end portions of the roof will be pitched upward at an angle.

The discrepancy between the fourth and fifth stories will allow for terrace spaces.

Trammell Crow plans on building the new development at the LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) Silver level, and is hoping to achieve the Gold standard. The building's design will incorporate sustainable materials like cedar planks, high efficiency glazing on windows and drainage systems that route storm water into the wetlands located behind the development.

On the north side of the development, the side facing the levees and water, there will be a ped/bike way and an esplanade planted with trees. The developer wanted a private road at the south side of the main complexes and as a concession, the Portland Department of Transportation asked for the building of a ped/bike way. The main thoroughfare between Marine Drive and the private road will be a public road. Harbour Drive will also be connected to the main thoroughfare and this will allow two exit points to Marine Drive.

Aside from the main two apartment buildings, there will be two smaller (35 feet high) apartment complexes that will offer a more quiet and private style of living. There will also be a clubhouse and meeting facilities, leasing office, a business center and space for an exercise facility.

One resident made a comment that an exercise facility is needed in Bridgeton and she suggested that residents living outside Trammell Crow’s development might pay a fee to have access to the facility as well.

The developers do not have colors picked out for the building, and were soliciting opinions from the audience. Some think a blue palette might be a nice nautical tie-in, and others want more pastel colors. No decision has been made, however.

The next step is for Trammell Crow to take their plans to a staff-level design review process. The company wants to host another meeting with Bridgeton residents before September.

Notes from Piedmont: Portland Sentinel Article 7

Notes from Piedmont

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Thu, 07/24/2008 - 12:02pm.

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• Current News
• Piedmont

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

In July's Piedmont Neighborhood Association meeting, board members discussed the ongoing duel they've had with Portland Parks & Recreation over plans to outfit Peninsula Park's rose garden with wheelchair ramps.

The contention revolves around the issue of design. As the first public rose garden in Portland, opened in 1913, Piedmont residents want to keep the garden's historical integrity intact. While community members are in favor of making the park more accessible to wheelchairs, they fear that PP&R will install modern ramps that will ruin the garden's lay-out and design.

Secondly, PP&R officials have announced that they will break ground in August or September for a recreational water fountain. The fountain would be something that children could play in on warm summer days.

Stay tuned to see what else is going down in Peninsula Park ...

Bridgeton to Lose Mature Trees: Portland Sentinel Article 6

Blog: Bridgeton to lose mature trees and gain saplings

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Tue, 08/12/2008 - 11:58am.

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• Hayden Island/Bridgeton

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

Though data has shown that existing trees do not interfere with the structural and protective integrity of the Bridgeton levees, the Army Corps of Engineers and other governmental bodies have decided to cut 69 out of 131 mature trees in the Bridgeton area.

This is the final chapter in a battle that began in September of 2007, when the Peninsula Drainage District 2 (PEN 2), the federal body in charge of levees for that part of the Columbia, evaluated the levee structures. In the aftermath of the destruction wreaked by faulty levees in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, the government proceeded to investigate levees throughout the country, as previously reported by The Sentinel's Mara Grunbaum.

As part of this project, PEN 2 felt that the poplars, elms and mature cottonwoods that grow near or at the levee could interfere with the levees’ efficiency. They then proceeded to cut down trees.

After filing an injunction and hiring an arborist and lawyer, the Bridgeton Neighborhood Association did all it could to get more information on the effect of trees on levees. Their data showed that there is no proof that trees in close-levee proximity damage levee systems.

Though PEN 2 will cut down an estimated 69 out of 131 existing trees in Bridgeton, officials have pledged to plant around 300 new trees. PEN 2 will most likely start cutting down trees Aug. 24 and 25 at the Columbia Elementary school.

Walter Valenta, a Bridgeton neighborhood activist, said that even though Bridgeton would be gaining more trees, they would be young trees, and lacking the maturity of those cut down. Valenta also proposed an idea for a memorial, where an important mature tree will be cut down, to commemorate the loss of the trees.

On the Prowl: Home and Auto Burglary Up in North Portlan: Portland Sentinel Article 5

Home and Auto Burglary Up in North Portland

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Thu, 07/24/2008 - 8:47am.

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

As of two weeks ago, according to Portland Police Bureau statistics, home and car burglary rates were up 23 percent in North Portland, compared with the same time period last year.

Sergeant Jeff Morris of the North Precinct said that burglaries are scattered evenly through the different neighborhoods of North Portland. This has caused some difficulty as the police officers are spread more thinly in attempts to handle the recent rash of crime.

Of the things stolen from cars, GPS systems, stereos, laptops and wallets are the most popular. Catalytic converters are also common items stolen from cars.

Havilah Ferschweiler, a City Crime Prevention Coordinator based in North Portland, advises that prevention is the best way to combat this type of crime. She advises that residents close car windows and lock their cars, even if the car is sitting in the driveway.

Most of these crimes are crimes of opportunity; a car thief is looking to break into a car with something in it. Ferschweiler suggests that all things be removed from a car when it's parked. Sometimes car owners will leave something they believe has no value, like an old backpack; a thief, however, might chance breaking into the car, just to see what's in the bag. "Minimize the opportunity for your car to be burglarized," Ferschweiler said.

Another way to prevent crime is for neighbors to know each other. If someone isn't recognized and looks out of place or acts suspicious, this might indicate that a crime is about to take place. Sgt. Doug Gunderson and Lt. Jeff Miller, also of the North Precinct, advise residents to report any suspicious activity. Depending on the level of anxiety the situation provokes, residents can call the non-emergency number 503-823-3333 or 9-1-1.

Most home burglaries occur during the day when people are out working. Gunderson explained that a burglar will go to a house and knock on the door to see if anyone's home. If the resident is home, the burglar has a script to follow, something that will make them sound legitimate. However, if the house looks empty for the day, the burglar will try to break into a side window or back door.

Unlike home burglaries, car thefts are usually done at night when people are home from the working day.

Ferschweiler and the police members made a presentation at the Portland Safety Action Committee meeting Tuesday night, advocating prevention and reaching out to neighbors.

Northeast Portland Tool Library to Open July 19: Portland Sentinel Article 4

Northeast Portland Tool Library to Open July 19

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 1:03pm.

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

The Northeast Portland Tool Library, a local non-profit, will celebrate its opening on July 19 from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. at the intersection of Northeast 20th and Killingsworth (the address is 5431 NE 20th at Redeemer Lutheran Church).

The NEPTL is modeled after the North Portland Tool Library, which is a community resource where North Portland residents can borrow building tools for projects instead of buying various tools themselves.

Eric Fair-Layman, the NEPTL's board president, decided to start a tool library for the Northeast part of the city when he had to do a community service project for a class he was taking. He tried to get involved with the existing North Portland Tool Library, but he lived in Northeast, and his area wasn't serviced by the library. So he decided to start one of his own.

The jurisdiction for the NEPTL goes from Burnside to Columbia Boulevard and NE Williams to 82nd.

With news of global warming and a growing ecologically-minded movement, NEPTL finds itself in league with other community-based groups such as the existing tool library, the ReBuilding Center and DeConstruction Services -- all in the North part of the city. The library helps the community and the environment by reducing the need to buy more new tools, and reusing what already exists. By lending out tools, it also helps residents keep a few more dollars in their pockets.

The new tool library seeks to facilitate Northeast residents in building projects and, in turn, the various communities are helping the NEPTL with such things as tool-gathering and material donations.

In order to rent a tool from the library, a resident must show a form of ID and bring a utility bill that matches the address on the identification. A tool can be rented, at no cost, for a week and all tools are due the following Saturday. Like a book library, overdue tools will incur a late fee and fines will be posted on the NEPTL website soon. Tools may be renewed depending on the popularity of the tool and on a case-by-case basis.

NEPTL is housed in a one-car garage that the Redeemer Lutheran Church has donated as the library's space until they sell the property. Parr Lumber sold lumber and Builders Supply of Hillsboro sold the security door to Fair-Layman at cost. The ReBuilding Center at 3625 N. Mississippi Ave. donated materials that carpenter, tool-gatherer and volunteer Tom Thompson turned into shelving.

The Vernon and Concordia neighborhood associations, along with an anonymous donor, have pitched into help with funding as well. Right now, there are four core volunteers and a local graphic art designer who has donated expertise in creating a logo and website for the NEPTL.

"[The Northeast Portland Tool Library] is so grassroots, it's ridiculous," Fair-Layman said. "You can smell the grass clippings."

Local businesses are also lending a hand to the NEPTL: Hankins' True Value Hardware at 3942 NE MLK Blvd.; Garden Fever at 3433 NE 24th Ave.; and Buffalo Gardens at 3033 NE Alberta will serve as drop-off sites for tool donations.

Fair-Layman emphasized that as of right now the Northeast Portland Tool Library is in need of tools. "We have a great location and a space. We still need a lot, we need a lot of tools, we need money. We still need help," Fair-Layman said.

Will New Bridge Be a Site for Eyesores: Portland Sentinel Article 3

Will new bridge be a site for eyesores?

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Wed, 06/25/2008 - 6:10pm.

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

Bridgeton community members have concerns about the impact and appearance of the bridge recommendation that was approved by the Columbia River Crossing Task Force in a meeting held in Vancouver Tuesday night.

Of 39 Task Force members, 37 voted in favor of constructing a 10- or 12-lane replacement bridge, complete with light rail, to facilitate traffic between Vancouver and Portland.

In Bridgeton, a Northeast neighborhood just east of the I-5 freeway, there’s a lot of support, but there’s also some questions: “I believe an overwhelming majority of the residents support it (the bridge and light rail combination),” said Matthew Whitney, a Bridgeton Neighborhood Association board member.

Now that the Task Force has voted in favor of a new bridge, Bridgeton locals are concerned about the design of the bridge itself. In an email Whitney sent out to community members, he urged them to comment on the CRC project before the deadline for public input ends July 1.

His email also emphasized the importance of the bridge design and how it can impact neighborhoods, contending that “a good bridge design means a 15 to 20 percent premium on your property’s value.”

Jon Pederson, another Bridgeton resident, echoed Whitney’s concern about the aesthetics of the bridge. “I believe there’s not enough attention paid to the form of the structure, of the image,” Pederson said.

In his email, Whitney wrote that CRC officials are misleading the public when they claim that flight-path restrictions for Vancouver’s Pearson Airfield will limit the height of the bridge. Pederson is concerned that these height restrictions will detract from the monumental stature of a bridge that will have the longest span over the largest river in the west.

Carley Francis, a Columbia River Crossing spokesperson, confirmed that the airport will have an impact on the bridge design, explaining that the CRC is obligated to follow guidelines set forth by the Federal Aviation Administration.

“The bridge has to clear a certain height over the river for navigation space, and this height already infringes on Pearson Airfield,” Francis said.

Beaverton Woman Wins Prize at Cathedral Park Jazz Fest: Portland Sentinel Article 2

Beaverton woman wins Cathedral Park Jazz Festival raffle

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Tue, 08/05/2008 - 8:31am.

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By Carolyn Neuhausen

Five dollars bought Jennifer White of Beaverton a special edition Fender Stratocaster at this year's Cathedral Park Jazz Festival, held July 18-20.

White, who regularly patronizes free music concerts and festivals likes to do what she can to support them; in this case, she bought a $5 raffle ticket at the Jazz Festival, but she never thought she'd win the prize.

"It's fun, I never thought this would happen to me. It's kind of neat, everyone who's in their fifties should have something like this happen to them," White said.

Cathedral Park Proposals: Portland Sentinel Article 1

1 park, 3 plans: July 10 open house unveils Cathedral Park proposals

Submitted by Sentinel News Service on Wed, 07/02/2008 - 11:49am.

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1 park, 3 plans
July 10 open house unveils Cathedral Park proposals

By Carolyn Neuhausen

In the next step of the Cathedral Park Project process, the public is invited to an open house to critique and comment on three proposals for the future of the park.

The plans will be unveiled on July 10 at an open house held at the Water Control Lab, 6543 N Burlington Ave., adjacent to Cathedral Park. The open house will be held 6:30-8:30 p.m. and offer an opportunity for community members to voice opinions regarding the future of the park to officials from Portland Parks & Recreation and North Portland Neighborhood Services.

One of the key motivators behind many of the proposed changes to Cathedral Park is the idea of making the park more accessible for the growing North Portland population. “I think this is the city’s park, [this is] the park for all of North Portland and beyond,” said Kathleen Wadden, project manager for PP&R.

According to the PP&R website, some guiding aspects for park changes will be to utilize sustainable design and minimize park upkeep through high-quality materials and planning; to improve salmon and avian habitats; and to provide more opportunities for water recreation, like swimming, boating and fishing.

The process of revamping the park started last year when PP&R conducted a comprehensive survey of the park, its facilities, usage and layout.

North Portland residents and eight community members that made up a Public Advisory Committee generated ideas for the types of features the new plans should include. The land-survey information and the ideas and comments regarding what the community would like to see at Cathedral Park in the future served as the foundation of the park’s Master Plan. This plan was the building block for the three design proposals.

Late last year the park bureau interviewed different landscape architecture firms and decided on Mayer/Reed, a Portland-based company that has drawn up the three different plans.

A master plan was essential in preparing for the park’s future, according to Wadden, who said that without a plan, sometimes changes are made separately and can throw a park’s layout off. “We’re trying to look ahead to the next 20 years and make a plan that we’re going to follow instead of making decisions [regarding the park’s future] more off the cuff,” said Wadden.

The final Concept Plan may be one of the three drafts or it might be a plan that includes different aspects and features of each plan. Cathedral Park is unique in that it is one of the city’s few waterfront parks and has both a fishing dock and boat launch as part of its facilities. “We know that the boat launch is old and needs updating,” said Wadden.

Mary Jaron Kelley, a staffer with the city’s North Portland Neighborhood Services office, has been working closely with different neighborhood associations and groups to increase public involvement and knowledge regarding the Master Plan and new Concept Plans.

Kelley believes that Portland residents should come to the open house because it is their chance to be involved with a park they use. “And it’s a great opportunity for residents and non-residents of the neighborhood in making a great park better,” said Kelley.

If community members have any questions regarding the open house or the Cathedral Park project, they can contact Kelley at (503) 823-4099.

Rites

The Navajo believe in ceremonies that cure the spirit. They have the Blessing Way and many other Way(s) that cure sicknesses of all kinds. These ceremonies also heal and pave the way to forgiveness.

Culturally, tribal civilizations would have ceremonies to signify puberty, adulthood and independence. An important component to these ceremonies was the idea of cutting ties and bonds to something that was harmful or holding someone back from natural progression.

As an Anglo, there aren't many ceremonies that are performed in my cultural heritage that have the same personal significance of letting things go, and I wish there were. I've come to the conclusion that I will have to perform my own rites in order to let go of burdens and attachments that serve nothing but to chain me to the past. I want to move on, and I feel like I'm on the verge, but I remain tied to the things that have hurt me as a way to prove I have lived. But I know the decisions I've made and the failed relationships that have seemingly ended. I've realized that I have nothing to prove to anyone besides me; for I know everything I've done and that should be enough of a red badge of courage.

I don't know how I will perform these rites, merely that I will. I'll have to do some pondering over that.

Tonight is the Summer Solstice, the day where the sun is out for the most amount of hours all year. I know the Celts, those hearty ancestors of mine, used to have May Day and Solstice rites for the Sun. I wonder what my own will look like. Cassandra in I Capture the Castle would sun bathe nude and then wear a white gown, make a fire and dance around it while screaming. All of this sounds lovely, with the exception that I have no privacy in a house of four people and only two bedrooms. No nude sun bathing for me.

I have a decision to make, one that I think will be hard, but nevertheless must be made. This decision is not permanent, but will allow me enough of a breather to start feeling balanced and neutral again.

So, about these rites: what should they look like? I've been reading this book about what it means to be woman and connecting to the ancient female spirit. At our core, women run with wolves. There is a story about the wolf woman--a powerful shaman-woman who collects the bones of animals long dead. She pieces them together and she starts to sing over them, louder and more emphatic until the creature comes back to life and runs full tilt into the free. It is noted that the witch's favorite creature is a she-wolf and that depending on how the light strikes the beast, she turns into a woman, running and laughing into the great wide open.

The story serves as a metaphor as to how a woman starts to get in tune with her essential self. This is a task that must be done by and for the woman herself, no one else, and marks a healthy beginning towards a relationship with herself and a foundation for all other healthy relationships with others. She must recognize the parts of her life, talk about them, exalt them, ponder them, lay them in a skeleton outline, and realize them, until those things becomes a magnificent beast, and are brought to life.

I think this is the my rite. I've spent the last few years singing over the bones, but never in such an exponentially open and deep manner. I'm the verge of something big, I can just feel it. I have to be patient and let it come, but it will, and I'll be able to move on just fine.

Threshold

There is a saying that when a door closes another one opens, and I believe this is true. But I've also pinpointed a sad truth about this as well; there might be some lag time before the second door opens, or your eyes might be so fixed on what you've lost, as is very understandable, and you can't see that something new has opened up.

It feels so unfair that the threshold between watching something evaporate, a possibility or a love die, an opportunity lost or never received, and realizing that something new and different has presented itself should be so hard. It's the threshold that gets us--that space between the old and new, the lost and the found that's the hardest transition.

I've found that talking and writing about my emotions helps. The sad part is the relief that comes with talking doesn't always last, but eventually, as time takes away from us, it also grants us peace.

I love communication. I love the way it can heal hearts, inspire, start revolutions, end conflicts, and most importantly explain one person to another; as sentient and individual beings, we are not intrinsically in tune with one another. But somehow, when we were in the caves, learning about fire and tool-making, we started using our vocal cords to make ever more complex sounds because we were destined for more complex things. We figured out that besides sex, we could communicate emotions and ideas. Vocal sounds stretched into phonetic alphabets which lead to words which lead to Plato and Gautama's teachings and Shakespeare and Lincoln and Susan B. Anthony and Ida B Wells and Winston Churchill and Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Lisa Carey and so many more.

I worship words. The book of John starts "In the beginning there was the word...."

I write all of this because I promise to dedicate myself to words no matter what happens in my life. Perhaps this is why I've never believed in fighting as a way to end conflict, no matter how hot a cat fight might seem to some.

But no matter how important words are it is at the threshold that they serve to merely sustain us. I feel as though we might need something more, like the hand of God to lead us through such rough waters. In the end we only have ourselves and our faith and the community of people we've built. And words unite all of these things.

Harmful Habits

"Why do I do this," I think to myself, hands in my hair and a frown on my face as I fall into old harmful habits of looking up his blog. "Why do I continue to care so much?" Another good question. Questions with answers buried too deep to fully know. 

All I can think is, why the fuck is he here now? Who among the Oregon-California border allowed his evil blue motorcycle to cross the Brown Bear Republic's state line? Convinced I would see him in Portland, I never did, and it felt as though his ghost traveled with me, driving me to find a shred of evidence he was still somewhere in my life. It felt good and remarkably sad to elusively move from apartment to apartment and then to a different state, and all the while he never knew. He also, almost certainly doesn't give a shit about me and probably hasn't since leaving my apartment that morning. 

All I can say is, out of a county that has over nine million people in it, I better not see him, especially since Geoffrey still has Oregonian license plates. 

His Tears

Who knew watching a man tear up would make me follow suit? This man is neither living nor real, as he is a character on a television show, which might sound foolish, but I think this proves how very important the art form of television is to life.

He lies there, white and pale, having just had a heart attack after engaging in sex with a woman not his wife. Minutes before his faithful wife Mona walks in, he tells his friend Draper, "I wish I knew where I was going." Then the heartbreak (is it mine?) starts when he cries and looks his wife in the eye sobbing the words "I love you so much Mona."

Perhaps it was the question that struck me so, but I think it was mostly the tears. I've been there, in that place where I feel as though I have a direction and a purpose in this life, but I feel as though I'm spinning my wheels. Treading water, I feel as though there might be a big possibility that I might not be able to pursue what it is I love in this life. Everything now seems so finite, so definite, as though decisions and possibilities and steps taken will carry through and dictate the rest of my life.

Alcohol and narcotics abusers are told to take one day at a time; asking a person to forgo what it is that got them through the day prior is like asking a normal person to forgo water: to these people life seems simply unlivable without their crutch of choice. So, the idea is to break life down into simple steps that can be lived without an overwhelming amount of anxiety. I bring this up because I'm a person who very often gets overwhelmed and anxious about the future, and the saddest part about that is that I often don't live now, which means I don't live. Life, while I live on this Earth is finite, and though it might sound trite, the only way to live in the face of mortality is to really live presently in each moment. As I am me, this is hard to do and I must constantly remind myself that though life seems so set now, so definite, this is merely a perception of mine and not reality itself.

There have been moments that I wish I could only have been more present, if only because they were fleeting and last-ditch efforts. In the car, while I felt his hands on me and the heat from his mouth on my neck and in my ear, I remember looking at his chest and remembering the one before him; the guy that broke my heart. This isn't to say I didn't enjoy myself. I did. And there were moments that were so singularly his that when I get near him, I can feel them all over again. I just wish I'd been able to let go of someone else and embrace this guy all that much more.

Broken hearts as like ghosts that haunt, spreading unease in waking moments and sucking the life out of the present.

And just think, this whole line of thought started because a television character had a heart attack while cheating on his wife.

Things About Me

Things about me:

I was born of California dust, Hank Williams music, sagebrush and poppies. I share a birthday with Horatio Lord Nelson and Gene Autry, which is fitting as I'm both a child of the water and one of the West. I'm positive I was a charleston-dancing, gin, jazz and man-crazed flapper. I'm pretty sure I was in my twenties when the Germans rolled into France and I'm pretty sure I had a beau or a husband that went off to fight them. I'm sure I was a hippie and loved the idea that the Age of Aquarius could be upon us in 1968. I also know that the rock era was the best we'd ever seen; genius that was transferred from mind and soul to a guitar and microphone.

What does it say about me when my password for blogger is more complicated than the one I use for my bank account?

I'm lucky to be here at all; Grandma Jewels, as a baby, almost sailed the Titanic when it left Belfast in 1912. As a poor Irish baby in steerage, there's no way she would have made it onto a lifeboat, which means, I wouldn't be here.

I love my brown leather motorcycle jacket. I miss my beloved sterling silver cuff ring, and wear a poor replacement--a silver Celtic knot on my right index finger. I love my $1 blue leather cuff bracelet which adorns and sometimes hides the kick ass scar on my left wrist bone.

I love feeling the wind in my face, though it sometimes takes my breath away. I love words and intimacy between family, friends and lovers in only the way that I can. I love Annie and Amelia. I love spark and spontaneity, Dylan McKay and his '61 black bathtub Porsche.

I love the way that mens' jeans fold and fall over the tops of their shoes. I love the smell of horses, hay and horse manure. I love foxgloves and delphiniums and roses. I love Ragtime, Big Band and Tom Petty music. I love nuzzling the crook of a man's neck and inhaling his scent. I can't wait for someone to hold my hand again, and I am eagerly anticipating the day (or night) I can draw my brand somewhere on his body.

These are things about me, but just a few because as Walt Whitman said, "I contain multitudes."

Personal (R)Evolution

I laughed as I saw what the California DMV sent me in the mail today. As I stared at a picture of my 17 year old self, complete with lizard-green tinged skin, it suddenly occurred to me that when I said "yes" to having an original DMV picture put on my new license, it was the original California photo; the one where my face was a shade of sea-sick green.

I was saddened last June when the Oregonians claimed I couldn't keep my green faced-(and first ever) driver's license issued by the Brown Bear Republic. Because I'm me, I wanted to keep my original CA driver's license if for no other reason than the picture was good but was colored amazingly badly. I looked like a sort of space alien. My skin was green, and for those who know me, in reality, my skin is somewhere between porcelain and alabaster pale. At the Oregon DMV office, as they took my CA license away the clerk offered to make me a photocopy. I shook my head as I walked out of the office because the photocopy was in black and white, so he completely missed the point.

Alas, oh my sweet California has remembered how much I missed that green faced teenager, so unsure of herself, with the shy eyes looking back at me. It's as if, in every sense of the word and in true living color, I've come full circle.

There are too many coincidences and symmetrical patterns between last spring/ summer and this spring/ summer for me not to commemorate them. I no longer believe in wallowing in full-circle personal tragedies, but I do believe in honoring those moments that struck me and made me grow.

1. 2008- April and May-I was getting ready to make a major change in my life. College was about to end and I was preparing to say goodbye to old, loved friends. I was going to move to another state and start my life. 2009- April, I left old friends in Oregon and moved to another state-California to (re)start my life.

2. 2008-May- Friends went on a cruise that we had planned the August before. We dropped the plans due to lack of money, but their graduation present was a cruise so they went. 2009-May- planned and went on a cruise with my friends. This was a cruise I did not plan on getting, but made travel arrangements only after a phone call presented me with the ability to take a free cruise. To the Bahamas.

3. 2008- May and June- Jobless, antsy, restless, depressed and terrified of remaining jobless. 2009-May and June-Jobless, antsy, restless, filled with doubt and faith (depending on which part of the day) regarding the ability to find work.

4. 2008-June- Internship at Portland Sentinel begins. 2009-April/ May-Freelance work with the Pasadena Weekly.

5. 2008-Late June- Meet someone that sparks me. Fall head over heels for him. Meet him on one of the first hot and sunny weekends of the season. Attached and involved....weeks go by. What were his words? Oh yes, I remember. "I'm a busy guy and am not interested in a relationship...." a verbal slap across the face. 2009-Late April-a record breaking weekend of heat for the season. Meet someone that sparks me. Interested. Vow to take things slowly on an emotional level but subsequently get somewhat attached...and then--"I'm attracted to you but, I don't see a future or a long term relationship for us..."

A verbal slap across the face.

It has occurred to me, though I've not loved any of the men I've been involved with, that I've been the more intersted party, and that I have not even crossed their minds as someone to love. At the end of th day I have not been a person any of them have really been into.

It is here that I would like to state that just because a pattern has been established doesn't mean it will remain so. While I would like to control my emotions with my mind and I would like to promise myself that I won't moon over this last guy for some time, I'm letting all the mind control go. I will move at my own pace and will not chide myself for feeling the way that I do. I will also believe that I'm a catch and sooner or later, another one will come along, another chance at something potentially pretty special.

I will also state that from here on out, I will not perpetuate or wish to perpetuate things simply because they've happened in the past in the same time frame. From here on out all of the possibilities are really open and I will no longer allow myself to be bound and chained to old mentalities. After all, if the only major thing that has changed is the fact that I'm a year older, this proves that this year is not the same and that there is just as much a chance that this year may be ridiculously different.

So here's to letting go of the past's chains.

Dylan Thomas once wrote

"Time held me green and dying/
Though I sang in my chains like the sea."

I will sing, but not in chains. I will sing on Phoenix wings.

After all this typing here's what I'm really trying to say: memories are and will always be with me. But I'm in the midst of a personal (r)evolution and I will move forward into the future because I believe I can.

June 10, 2009

A friendship eleven years in the making was confirmed today as Amelia and I clicked. She gave words that soothed and encouraged my spirit and for that I thank her. 

Oh if only my sensitive heart could grow to be as cold and unfeeling as stone, then maybe my nerves wouldn't feel so exposed and raw. One day perhaps, but I do find myself growing ever closer to blue hair and a shoulder tattoo of a Phoenix with a four leaved clover in its talons.

My day started with Tom Petty, moved to Dupar's with Millie, great conversation about gender studies, men, the negatives of masculinity, why men are stupid (there are sometimes that I think girls had it right at 8 when they think boys have coodies), the search for love, careers, cars (Geoffrey, one of the two males in my life that I can depend on), Kaldi, where an unexpected conversation with an attractive man named Mark apparently infused me with the knowledge that when not appreciated, I need to pack the fuck up and go off to Cartagena, Colombia. A phone call later I had some good news about a job prospect. This led to home where I planted a pineapple top in hopes it will grow into lush fruit, patting of my darling and obnoxious Aussie Pup and sweet Willie, coffee meet up and rich conversation where I was told, much to my happiness that as I age I will re-find my enthusiastic optimism and be able to talk myself up into a good mood after talking myself into a depressed one. Which means, according to Gaul that age will bring good things, instead of all of the negative things we're told it does. 

Tom Petty sings

"The waiting is the hardest part/

Everyday you see one more card/

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart/

The waiting is the hardest part"

I will wait, for as my father said, all I can do is to do the best I can. And with those words he always told me he'd be proud as long as I tried my best. So that's what I'll do and I'll place some faith in waiting. 

Judgment Day

For most of us who have grown up in the Anglo-Saxon tradition or in at least a semi-Christian household, the old biblical phrase about judgment is familiar:

"Judge not, that ye be not judged." (Matthew 7:1). We're also familiar with the concept of "let ye among you without sin be the first to cast stones," or something to that effect.

In the Bible, though there were commandments and courts of law, the idea of judging others especially in their personal lives seemed to be a moral wrong; personal judgment was seen to be God's task and that of no one else.

And yet, as Meyers and Briggs, certain historical philosophies, and countless psychologists have attested, not only are some people wired to judge more than others but that there is an actual function in the world for those who are judgmental.

There's a personality type theory called the Enneagram which traces its roots to the tradition of nomadic Muslims who incorporated bits and pieces of Buddhist and Eastern philosophy along the silk roads and caravan trails that wound themselves through Gobi desert and across mountain ranges to reach into the bastion of Western civilization.

I digress......anyway....the idea behind the Enneagram, which means "picture of nine," was to illustrate the nine types of people that form the world; no Type is any better than another and all are essential to make the world spin-- as combined-- the traits of the nine people form the face of God.

Now, Type 1 people are often called Reformers or Idealists and often live with a harsh mental critic. This mental critic not only judges others but the Idealist themself. (It is here that I will note that people like current President Obama and past President Bill Clinton are Type 1 judgers). This is not an easy thing to live with. There are many times where judgment can harm more than it helps. The fear of judgment or judgment itself can be harsh and can serve to paralyze people or spread shame and guilt in ways that are damaging to the soul.

And yet, I write this passage as a devil's advocate of sorts, on behalf of judgment. Yes, judgment can sometimes serve no better purpose but to make others feel bad, and in my book, that seems like a waste of time and a detrimental cause. But sometimes we need judgment. Social structures and institutions found themselves and differentiate themselves from others by passing judgment. This serves a critical purpose.

The problem, I think I've accuratley pinpointed, is when one takes on the judgment of others and social structures to the point that it handicaps personal thought and development. Because I went to Catholic institutions for eight years I'll use a Catholic example.

Catholic church doctrine claims that a sexual union is only an allowable expression of love when it is experienced by a man and a woman who have been married in the catholic tradition before the will of God. This husband and wife must be open to the creation of human life as a product of a sexual union, and therefore, sex without life-creating possibility is not a holy act of love, but tantamount to sin.

This whole concept is judgment. You can only do x if y is present, and z is a possibility, but if x, y or z is missing, than what you're doing is wrong.

The Church has every right to dictate how things should be done in the eyes of their God, and this sort of sexual morality sets a point by which moral attitudes regarding procreation, romance and respect between men and women should be compared. And yet, ultimately, I believe it is no other person's, institutions' or church's right to imbue me with so much judgment that I can't make a decision about my body and my emotions and my life without feeling guilt or shame. Guilt and shame should not enter an adult's picture (unless a crime is committed), and yet, judgment leads the way for these two things to infect the soul and mind.

But we need judgment too. A person should feel judged and judgment if they are fooling around with someone's spouse. People who abuse animals and humans should feel judgment. As people in the modern age we have every right to judge those who commit crimes and to a certain extent, everyone is entitled to their judging of others. For some of us, judgment is habitual because it was wired into our neuro-chemistry and our hearts. We just need to see the value of judgment, as in "I don't appreciate the way that man talks so casually about women and previous relationships" or "that guy is nothing but bad news, stay away."

So maybe in the end, judgment is not bad, but a good thing--but so is open mindedness and these two things should work together in tandem; maybe that is the right way. But who am I to judge?

------dedicated to Meals---