Eye to the Rearview Mirror

When people talk about life they often compare it to a road, using that as a metaphor. You'll hear people say "the road might get rocky" or "the road has lots of hills and valleys" or "life is a long difficult road." 

In the last few weeks I've been thinking about this simile. One of my favorite songs is called "The Wicked Twisted Road" by Reckless Kelly; beautifully written, there are at least three stanzas that compare or use a road as a symbol for life. 

Maybe it's because I like driving so much, but I have been thinking about how fitting this simile is to life. People often say that they "feel their wheels are spinning" or "they're running on empty" or "they've got to hit the pavement," all metaphors regarding movement by automobile. 

When you put the two together, a vehicle as a sign for movement and a road as life, you come up with something pretty profound, because both are true. 

Take for instance my life of late. A few months ago I felt as though I had made no personal progress upon reaching another year in my life. But now as I look back I remember a song lyric "the wheels of change had begun to turn" or something like that. Though I can't see the end result and in my usual impatient self I wanted to see all the change right now. But change and personal growth doesn't happen that way. It comes gradually and fast, shooting in bursts and spurts and passing slowly like a snail. Either way, all you can do is marvel at the fact that when you lay enough cards on the table, you pursue enough things and set enough things in motion, something inevitably starts to change, moving slowly, like cog wheels grinding against each other in a circular motion. 

I will list some of the ways  that the wheels have started to turn for me: 

1) I am more honest with myself. And I accept myself more in the face of being brutally honest.

2) I am a bit easier on myself; I'm a little more forgiving. 

3) I have a greater sense of who I am and acceptance and love of who I am as someone of immense worth.

4) I am more aware of myself and little by little I'm being more true to myself and less concerned with how others see me. In the end, I'm trying to accept and do what is right for me first and disregard anyone's outside judgement. 

5) I am ambitious and feel that while it may take some time, I am laying the groundwork, doing the hard grunt stuff, literally crafting my career from scratch. 

6) And finally, I've become more brave. 

 I'm caught somewhere between wanting growth and change to occur as a way to see the process unfold, and to live in the moment; and I'm also caught wan ting  all the change to happen NOW so I can stand on the hilltop and look at the growth spread before me. I want this particular journey to end so I can be at the point where I want to be. I guess, at 22, I just want to see the end result, but I also don't want to miss the moving wheels.