They're Bad for a Reason.....

What is it about "bad boys" that women like so much? I don't know that I can or even want to justify other womens' desires for these types of men so I suppose that I'll talk about my own beliefs and feelings regarding this dangerous and specific type of creature.

I used to think, at the young age and the feeling that I was seemingly much older than that in my mentality, that I would never go for a bad boy because they were, well, bad. I didn't want that. Or so I thought. And then I realized that there was an element of adventure, or rebellion or counterculture or something "bad" about the men I was attracted to. I made mistakes and flirted and got involved with and got attached to and hurt by men who weren't worthy of me. Who weren't good.

Greg Behrendt says that a bad boy is "bad" for a reason. These are the men to stay away from.

And then it dawned on me: why I'm attracted to the guy that's going to hurt me. Because they seem interesting, accepting, and free spirited; all things my perfectionistic and judgmental self wouldn't allow in my own personality. I liked the idea that they did things that were taboo, or things I was too afraid to try. That they had a past my walking the line didn't afford me. And then I realized, very pathetically, that I didn't view these men as partners, but more as substitutes for who I wanted to be.

No more.

I won't go after or say yes to someone to get a thrill from their life. If I want a thrill I'm going to own it. I'm a woman, an adult and I'm finally capable of making decisions for myself without regard to the constructs of society or the idea of how my parents would feel about any decision I were to make.

I'm no longer going to look for someone else to give me what I'm lacking in my life. If I want to learn more about cars, I'll do so on my own. If I want the thrill of a 180 mph ride, I'll do it for myself. The older I get, the more I feel fortunate in the idea that I can finally make decisions wholly for my own life and for no one else's satisfaction. After all, I only have one shot at this life in this body and in this mind frame, and I won't waste my life concerned about my decisions and how they affect others. This is my life. This is MY LIFE. Mine and no one else's.

So from here on out, I'll search for a man that compliments my life, that has that spark that I've got and the passion that resides in me. But he'll be a parnter, not a substitute for what I'm lacking in myself. I've gotten old enough to know that much. See, some things do get better with age.

"See, it's not what you said, but just how you said it...."---Pat Green