Dickens once wrote "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times;" and while it is most certainly not the worst of times, the best stuff in the last few weeks has been accompanied by some bitterness as well. 

   As much as I am psyched to have a job that pays well and will afford me the comfortability and flexibility to make money and pursue freelance writing while making a living, it hasn't been particularly easy to say goodbye to the things I know. As much as I'm going to appreciate not driving to the Sentinel twice or three times a week, and Geoffrey's tummy won't be hungry every week like clock work-I was comfortable at the Sentinel. I had a routine, it was four hours a day, and I enjoyed writing and being part of the paper. The same thing goes for Aaron Brothers. While I have had customers who've been pain in the asses and rude, for the most part, people are pretty easy to please there. The framing system that used to make me feel inadequate quite often finally makes sense to me and I get it now. And I've finally made some friends. It is sad to leave people who've been great to me. 

  And the weeks that I've gone without hearing from him or even so much as seeing him or crossing paths at the office has been driving me crazy. It is like without seeing him I feel as though I am feeling a whole mess of emotions for someone who doesn't exist; as if my feelings are for a ghost, a person I have no chance of seeing again. And this makes it worse because I feel like I would rather be sad over someone real, someone that is present enough to feel sad over. But by not seeing him, it's just been harder, because I feel even more foolish for feeling the way I do. 

   And I'm surprised that I miss him so. I realize now that the angst I went through with Chris was due to how much I wanted someone like him in my life; a boyfriend. Sometimes I feel so stupid because I feel as though I'm being a drama queen; after all I barely knew S and yet I got attached. But I am who I am. No matter how much I try to change myself to be the chiller, cooler version of the person I want to be, I realize now that I can't change my personality. I will always be the person who takes things too seriously, who gets wound up over something that someone else would let slip by. I will always be the person who cares too much, even over the relatively small stuff. I will always be the serious, somewhat uptight person who can't separate the physical from the emotional. I will always be her and no matter how much I wish I weren't sometimes, this is not a bad thing. People like me are needed in the world because people like me are the reason we have higher ideals and models and motivations and law and order in the world. 

   So, it's not the worst of times