Scars

 My recent trip to the emergency room has got me thinking over the last two days about the grand scheme of my life, and what scars have meant to me. 

I am guaranteed, at the least, a new faint scar on my left wrist, which though not on purpose, was self-inflicted. I wonder what that means. 

But that aside, here's the thing: I have accumulated another scar on a body already covered in them. 

What are scars but reminders of adventures and times gone wrong, of overzealous behavior and foolishness, of the combination of bravado and not enough thought. I've never been the type of person to think of scars as ugly. I remember when my senior portrait was developed and the sales lady at the photography business told me I had the option to airbrush the scar I bravely (and stupidly) earned as a five year old little girl who (once again inflicted a wound to herself) right above her left eyebrow. I really didn't even have to think about it before I said "no." 

I am not ashamed of my scars and this adds credence to my belief that I think people come into this world with their own beliefs and thoughts and personalities. Parents help guide and shape children into who they become, but children do not come into this world like a blank canvas; rather people come into this world with a canvas that's already prepped in a unique way. 

I don't remember my parents actually telling me to be proud of my scars and maybe they taught me this through example, I can't say for sure. But I do know that I have had and will have a strong sense of the history scars lend us. They might seem ugly to some, but I think they are a gift, a tangible and visible mark that shows us the trials we've survived and the adventures we've braved. I feel that they are like a souvenir that one buys, not with money, but with sense of self. Unlike the "I'm with stupid" t-shirt or the "My parents went to....and all I got was this crummy shirt" souvenir, scars actually mean something. They are living reminders, current histories that show us where we've been and this helps us figure out who we are now, and where we may go in the future. 

This is true of the scars that we do not bear on our skin, but also on our hearts. Recently I've accumulated another internal scar on my heart which has deepened since July. It hurts, I won't lie. But I'm proud I can look back on my history and boast that I've lived through the pain and enjoyed all the sinful greatness such scars bring.